One year

It has been a year since I started with my Kaleidosthoughts blog. I usually wrote thoughts that come to my mind at a particular moment but this time I thought I’d challenge myself by putting together all the titles of my previous posts into this entry. So these are not random thoughts but a deliberate attempt to put all my previous titles together and try to make SOME sense out of it… But just looking at my previous titles and thinking what to make out of it already makes my head spin. I tried visualizing all of them together and I can’t… so I thought I’d make it easier by dividing the entries into the 3 thoughts – Happy thoughts, sad thoughts, anything goes…

Even that is going to be hard so I’ll just try to put in as much as I can. I know it will probably (or should I say MOST LIKELY) not make sense and I would have to invent a lot of stuff BUT I’d like to try anyway… so here goes my effort!

HAPPY THOUGHTS…
One Hot..hot..hot evening, I decided to have a long evening walk around the park but it was cut short when I saw Christopher “Utoy” along the way. He had no hands and feet that I knew he was going to have a hard time catching up with me so that I started remembering our old volkswagen… I was thinking that if only I have it with me I could bring him home quickly… just then his mom came along and carried him and we decided to walk slowly back to my home and just stay in our garden to talk. We talked about two love stories of our neighbors the guitar girl and Miss Saigon. The former fell in love with the leader of the band and the latter had a long distance love affair. Their stories were so cute that we found ourselves sighing when suddenly Utoy also wanted to join in our talk. Well I was in the mood to talk so I told him the story on why frog and snake never play together and my experiences in climbing tree on a trip to Quezon. He too has stories to share on the adventures of mothers and grandparents…he was so animated while talking that I winked at his mother and motioned a salute to all mothers. I told her that children learn what they live and that she together with her parents are really teaching her son well. I then pat Utoy's head and told him "take care of your mom and love your grandparents for they are some of the greatest people according to Beth." We had a nice and happy talk that night!

The next day, while having an english toast for my breakfast in Chowking, I chanced upon a tabloid on the table and decided to read hoping to read something on balanced Philippines or good news on our country, instead all I got were Philippine porn so I immediately set it aside and concentrated on my meal. I thought my day was going to be ruined when I saw one lovely small yellow butterfly fluttering from the glass window, it made me feel nice and I decided to have more walks…I wasn’t going to take a short cut going home from Divisoria, my Manila but would walk as far as I could to see the things around the place! I was looking with amazement at the rows of sunflowers in a garden protected only by amazing wires when it suddenly started to rain! It was cool rain!!! Oh I felt really nice since it has been a hot day, I did not run for cover but just continued walking marveling at the sight around me. I thought it was lovely but I was not prepared to see a double rainbow. It was soooo unexpected and so beautiful that I gasped in awe!!! An increased energy surged through my body... if only Bacolod was near, I felt that I could walk from Manila…Negros…Manila (okay that’s an exaggeration!!! I could never walk that far plus I have to cross a sea toget there and back and I can't even swim!!!) I still feel so much energy that I had to displace it! Maybe leisure was is not enough and i should try volksporting... volksmarching! Nah... I am not really into sports, i'd still prefer leisurely walks for oftentimes they touches my soul!

SAD THOUGHTS…
I received the invitation on Pete’s birthday. Narcissus, Mary and I were going to meet him to attend a rockin’ comedy by Mitch Valdes in a concert hall along United Nations Avenue in Manila. The place is just beside the clinic where I had my Dorn therapy so I know that it is difficult crossing the street there... I could see the danger sign "Ped Xing...R.I.P" and my mind was focused on avoiding death so I was real careful but Mary and Narcissus were in a hurry and Mary got hit by a speeding car! Gosh, how could it happen... we tried to rush her on a hospital nearby but she did not make it! We called Pete and told him the sad news, he was crying and saying "the friend that I have lost and found is gone forever... she was my only love!!! How could this happen??? This feels like the mountain collapsed on me!!!" He was asking us "Is life worth living without Mary?" and I could not answer him well... The hardest thing to understand in the world is pain... you can't describe it!!! I tried to talk and tell him that people come into your life either for a reason…season…lifetime maybe theirs was just a season... He could not hear me since his tears were falling... they were falling like heavy rain that i could feel the first flood on hot summer day! He just kept on crying and I was trying to shhhh him... it was no use... we could not do anything but hope that everything will turn out fine for him when the heart is light again!

ANYTHING GOES…
What if someone gives you $20.6 million and you become richer than the former Conrad Hilton? Would you consider that a miracle??? A fulfillment of your Dreams? Answered Prayers? You think that will give you happiness? Or will that drive you to an Urban suicide? Not just drive but probably overdrive you to suicide??? You’ll probably be too paranoid thinking that somebody is out to get you or that all your new riches will be stolen that you turn into a fugitive and hide behind the walls and garden of Carmel..

But being in a cloistered Carmel convent may not really be a bad idea for one fabulous Filipina, she’ll be a handmaid of the Lord and just allow everything that the Lord asks her to do… she’ll have time daily for the Holy Mass, meditation (not just silent meditation but even laughter meditation… hmmm I wonder if they will allow her that?) and there will time for offering prayer for the dead, she could reflect on some of the writings of the late Pope John Paul II of course manual labor will always be around, life will never be easy inside Carmel. Work and prayer will always be a part of the life in Carmel even if you give them all your money.

Ahh but wake up… say Goodbye, Pope John Paul II, no one will ever give someone $20.6 million… it only happens in scam emails or the movies and I guess, somebody’s wishes on a bad weather…

Okay, that's about it! I really wish I could have put everything together but i could not... but it has really been a challenge... I want to make the deadline for my anniversary (gosh this challenge is difficult!!!) so I just put everything that i could... however, anniversaries are not really complete without feeling a sense of gratitude. Thus I would like to thank the people who have visited my blog and whose blogs I have been enjoying. I especially thank Erik for encouraging me to write even if we don't know each other and belong to an entirely different culture. And I don't really know if I should thank Hugh or scold him for being a distraction from my writing... Geez one year of blogging... time sure flies FAST!

Embroidered memory!

I found a neat blouse with an embroidery in it. It reminded me of my youth so I bought it! Ah no… it doesn’t mean that the blouse makes me look young but its embroidery reminded me of my summer vacation with my aunt in the 70’s.

They lived in one of the depressed areas in Quezon City… their home was part of bigger two-storey house made of wood divided into several rooms. They were staying in the ground floor and were just renting it since it was near their work. The bathroom was common for all the tenants but it was just near them. But even if they stayed in that place their dwelling was actually nice… I’d say it was a real a home! It was fun doing house chores there and listening to the radio in the afternoon for drama… I don’t think there were soap operas yet on TV that time in the afternoon… so people were listening to the radio instead of watching TV. Anyway, many of the women there were sub-contracting embroidery work for blouses and shawls. It was part of their livelihood program and my cousin and I also joined the work force. The embroidery we did was similar to the one in the blouse I bought.

The flowers we crocheted were either 2 layered-petals or 1 layered-petals as in the blouse. I think the cost of one doubled-petal layered flower was 25 centavos each. All the designs involved flowers and leaves and stem. The leaves were satin-stitch and the stems were running-stitch.. for shawls we also placed tassels.

The cloth was katsa (what is that in English? Gingham?) and it already has a dyed-pattern of the design. We used crocheted threads for the flowers and the embroidery and all were in beige.. the same color. So my cousin and I would get our katsa and thread and we would either go to the University near their place and stay in the shade of this big tree and do our embroidery and crocheting while we talk… talk… and talk OR if we stayed in their home, then we would be listening to the dramas in the radio.

Those were really treasured moments between my cousin and I …and we became really close! We were also excited every time we would finish a blouse or a shawl and get payment for our labor. My father did not give me money so that it was pretty cool having my own money! I had some money saved after my vacation… but now I can’t really figure what I did with those money… but I can certainly recall the joy I experienced then…

It was a one really neat summer and I am certain that there will be a smile in my face every time I wear my new summer blouse and recall that summer!

Two love stories

I have been seeing a lot of former officemates these past few days. Aside from Berna and her husband two former officemates visited us in the office plus I also got to meet an officemate in another company where I worked more than 20 years ago… It is always story-telling time during said events…

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I enjoyed talking with Berna and her husband but I don’t really know their love affair that is until I asked Jane yesterday… and she said “You mean I did not tell you??? When I’ve told their story to almost everybody???” So after 3 years I finally learned Berna and Bernard’s love story…

Berna was pretty raw and young when she came to our office… she just came from the province then and she was so simple and innocent… She’s friendly but she became really close to Jane… in fact she calls Jane “mother”. Jane would usually ask Berna to have her pictures developed and she would do so then go to sit in a bench in Intramuros while she looks at Jane’s pictures. Anyway, one Saturday, she again had Jane’s pictures developed and sat in her favorite bench while looking over the picture. She was just in her house clothes then since the place was just near the room she and her sister was renting. Then, this foreigner approached her and asked for direction and she gave him direction and continued looking over the pictures… then the man came back and asked again… then came back again and this time talked with her and invited her to meet him in the afternoon (I forgot the time Jane mentioned) near Robinson’s mall. Oh well she was not really planning on seeing him but she could not explain it when she suddenly fixed herself when the scheduled meeting was near… So she went to the place and true enough the man was waiting… she was afraid to come near so she went around the mall (probably figuring out whether she wanted to push through or not) and when she would go check the place again and still he was there… finally after an hour she finally approached him and he was really glad… moreso since this time Berna fixed herself… and she was beautiful! They had a good talk and he invited her again to go out and this time she would ask Jane to accompany them (and Jane would be more excited than she was!!!) He finally went back to the US and they corresponded through emails… the girls (that’s what we call the stationed auditors) shared only one computer then (it was at the back portion of our office) then and she would go check her mails… they had a lot of mails and he visited her lots too… ahhh remember he come from the US and not just another place in Manila… he was frequently visiting Manila to see her and know her!!! Well it was actually not a love at first sight for Berna but I guess he was really a neat person and had won her over… and now they are happy…You can see it in their faces!!!

It is really neat to be in love… romantically in love… but there are other forms of love that could really touch your heart and my heart was really touched when I got to talk with Bien, another of our former officemate who visited…

At one point in our talk, I asked about his sister… I remember how he would frequently transfer house and to far away places at that so he could separate her sister from her boyfriend. Their mother disliked him tremendously thinking he was no good for her daughter…he would ask for leaves from the office from time to time so they could transfer homes… until they finally gave up! Her sister was too much in love with her boyfriend and so they got married and raised their family… but that’s not just it…Bien’s mother stayed with them most of the time and there came a time when she became bedridden… and guess who took care of her? Bien’s brother-in-law! He took care of her for a long time until her death!!! Bien was saying that even if it was her mother, he was not able to take care of her but his brother-in-law, he took care of her, with NO complaints whatsoever…Now that’s a really deep love I should say! Not just forgiving the person who hurt you, in your mind BUT forgiving and loving and caring deeply for that person!

Okay.. it is very late, there are other love stories in the office but I guess that’s about it for now!

English Toast

The other day, Berna, a former officemate and her French-American husband came for a visit to our office. They wanted to see old friends before going back to the US the next day (yesterday). Berna’s close friend in the office is actually Jane but since she had to leave early for her son’s graduation, they were left entirely to our care J! The others did not want to talk with Bernard, Berna’s husband much since they said they were not comfortable communicating in English, baka maubusan daw sila ng Ingles (run out of English words to say). Though I really did not intend on talking much since I was working on something… it turned out that I got to talk with them most of the time.

We had a good conversation since Bernard is well traveled and has lots of stories to share plus it is always nice to interact with happy couples. I’ve got more stories on the couple but the conversation made me think of the English language since fortunately hindi naman ako naubusan ng Ingles (did not run out of English words to say)… truth is I feel more comfortable writing in English than speaking it or should I say my hands speak better English than my lips. When I write my mind automatically turns to English mode.. I think in English… but when I talk oftentimes I think Tagalog! Don’t really know if that makes sense but that’s the way it seems to go for me…

Anyway such thoughts reminded me of my attending a toastmaster’s club a long time ago. There was an advertisement in the newspaper of a speech workshop to be conducted by the Toastmaster’s club near our office and I invited my boss to join. She is a confident speaker but I wanted someone to go with and good thing that she obliged. It was fun joining a toastmaster club… their speechcraft is actually integrated with their meetings… you follow a program in the speechcraft and when you talk (assigned topic) they give you feedback but aside from members’ and speechcrafters’ presentations, the program is divided into segments… I could not really recall them anymore but there were different topics – serious and current events, fun and amusing stories, impromptu and prepared speeches. In that club, the regular members (old-timers) gave out prizes for the “best” in each category…and I was surprised to be getting prizes each time since I knew that I wasn’t really the best. I really could not figure out how they made choices for the winner but of course I was always happy to be bringing home a token after each session. The mystery wasn’t solved until I was NOT able to attend a few meetings and I got a friendly “how are you?” card from one of the old-timers there. Actually I also got a reminder call from another member so I thought it was just a reminder card… then I got other cards including a valentine’s card from the said old-timer with a note that he was a widower and likes me! Wow!!! I finally figured out why I was always getting an award! I got an admirer!!! That means that I was always assured of one vote each time and he just needed another vote for me (probably from his friends?)… and viola.. I am a winner!!!

Pretty neat, huh? It should have been…but then again I wanted to be voted on because of my ability and not because of my looks…hehehe (Did I mention that I could be egotistical at times???)… anyway that actually toasted or should I say fried my desire to join some more meetings! I could have been an eloquent speaker… instead I am still the same unique and perfectly imperfect Beth… hmmm…well that’s still good enough for me! I unique… and I neat!!!

Short cut...

Today we had our Handmaid's chapter assembly in another community’s chapel. Though I have heard about that community, I have never been there. I thought that they were also a distressed community like ours and in a way they were but I was amazed at the order there… the streets leading to homes were better… I mean most were passable by vehicles unlike in our place were there are lots of “iskinitas” or really dark and narrow alleys. I had to take a ride going to the place but the people there told me that there was actually a short cut leading to my home. I was curious so I went with two other of my fellow handmaids' to pass by the route after our assembly which was already past noon time. Good thing it was cloudy most of the time since I easily turn red plus of course I always have an umbrella with me. I found out that the short cut was actually a long cut to my place since I could easily have reached home walking along the main highway… but then again who would want to walk along a highway with so many vehicles… with no building to cover you and under the heat of the sun… plus of course the great difficulty of crossing that highway. I would surely have taken a ride going back home if it took that direction!

Anyway, even though the short cut actually turned out to be a long cut, I really enjoyed that walk… my two companions were busy talking while walking and I was only partly listening to them since I was amazed at the places we were passing through… just adjacent to that community was a neat and peaceful subdivision with big trees… most houses had nice flowering plants in front… and I could hear my companions discussing them. They are green thumbed people who also have gardens in their homes. Gosh, the place was peaceful that I actually envied the people there and I was trying to figure out how much it would cost to buy a lot there since I’ve seen some vacant lots… after that subdivision we again passed by another subdivision which was similar… they mentioned the name of the place and now it was familiar. I used to walk a lot when I was really younger and go places and I knew that I have somehow reached that place before but then again the place were no longer familiar… we just kept on walking until we reached a main road I used to walk to before and I was amazed once more with the development there. There was now a really posh subdivision there… you can see though that it is fairly new since the trees are not that old and those that were big were probably transplanted by the landscape architects….

Funny but the thing that really strike me during that walk was a creek… a small creek… and it was not the creek that actually caught my attention but the fishes in that creek. I think my companions were jolted when I suddenly stopped and shouted “Ay those are the fishes I used to catch with my hands when I was small!” I was really happy and a flash of my childhood came to mind. Aside from playing games and climbing trees, we also used to wade in creeks and catch fishes and tadpoles. I suddenly remembered how we would see those fishes in the creek at the back of our home and in the small open canal on the roads in front and we would scoop some fishes and place them in bottles. Those open canals on the roads are where we would also race paper boats we made. The canals I see nowadays in my neighborhood are definitely far from those canals…. Ewwwwwwww!!! You wouldn’t even dream of poking even a finger on the canals now!

So, I was still reminiscing when one of my companions said that those are black mollies and they are also aquarium fishes. I could not imagine them as aquarium fishes even though we used to place them in bottles when I was small since these fishes are black and funny as they move swiftly together in flowing water…they seem to be swimming against the flow and constantly moving but never really going far. She also added that those like running waters and it immediately struck me that the canal was actually cut since there was no canal further down the road. The water was flowing but the canal seemed a dead end… it was only going in the direction from where we came and I wondered if there was a spring there since the water was somehow clear or maybe a water pipe has broken… I decided that there was a spring since a broken water pipe would not result in a canal unless it has been busted for ages… I thought it was neat! Ahh.. things are amazing!

We moved on and now I see banks and restaurants along the road… We haven’t been to any of those restaurants yet so I was thinking maybe one time we’ll be checking them out… finally their stops came and I had to move on since I was father from their place… I am now back to my chaotic environment… wondered when there would be order here… It is still possible of course, the community I came from is an example… I suddenly wished it was sooner… in the meantime, I still have my space in my room where I could have some quiet even amidst a chaotic environment...

Ash Wednesday...

Today is Ash Wednesday and it is the beginning of the Lenten Season. We start the season by remembering that we are dust and that to dust we shall return. Today is also a day of fasting and abstinence.

Fasting nowadays doesn’t mean you don’t take anything at all but that you only have one complete meal for the day. Fasting from food for a day is lots easier than fasting from doing something that you really really like to do! But there are only 2 days the church requires for fasting… so I’m giving up something I like to do today…gosh, I still have some time to do it and am tempted but…. just for today…

Anyway, I am fasting from something I really like to do so that I got to divert my mind from such desire... so i'll just blog on…

Last Friday after our President declared the state of emergency, I got a call from a former officemate who is now in Netherlands. He was asking how our country is… I said still surviving… don’t listen to the news they make it look really bad… he was relieved so that our talk did not linger on our political situation.

It has been a while since I talked with him so I asked how he was… he was probably gone from our country for 10 years and has not seen his family since. I asked how he can stand it? He said he doesn't want to go home since he was still saving… Saving for what I asked (told him he already has millions)? He says for his children… But told him he only has 2 and the eldest is already working while the younger one is already graduating this March so how come he is still not coming home… Does he have someone there already? He says he got no one there and that he plans to migrate to Canada, that he is waiting for his children to take him there… I asked why doesn’t he apply himself and take them there… he said they have a better chance (ahhh how could they have better chance they have just started point wise he’ll be getting more points to be eligible for immigration)… he insisted they had better chance so I let be… no point arguing…

We talked some more and our talks went to churches… he said churches in Europe are now being converted to museums and that no one his age goes to church anymore… I asked including him? He says he hasn’t been to a church in a long long time, that when you visit people’s home there, you won’t see bibles but travel brochures lying on their tables… that they are concerned on just working and travelling… and I said including him? He says his days are concentrated on working then the occasional pleasure of bowling and going to the gym… I said that’s it? He is content with that life? He says he is used to it… but his savings is piling up. I told him, I would not be able to last in that environment… He says religion is just for third world countries! I thought -- Thanks God I am in a third world country... then told him maybe we should import more Filipinos to that country so that churches will be filled up again… but then again, if Filipinos that goes there become like him and lose the need for Church, then it is useless…

I dunno but I just felt sad after talking to him... to be far from your loved ones and to be far from your God…that’s really sad!

Stolen...

Been a while since my last post… so many times I wanted to post but something comes up.

Last Thursday I wanted to post on the EDSA revolution since it was on the 23rd of February 20 years ago that I joined that historic People Power…but somebody stole the telephone wires in our neighborhood that day so that I did not have internet connection and wasn’t able to blog…

Then I attended a 50th wedding anniversary last Saturday and it was really so nice and touching that I wanted to write on it too but still no internet connection…

Finally they installed new telephone wires on the area that was stolen. They made sure that it will be difficult to be stolen again (it is the third time somebody stole it)… So now I’ve got internet access again BUT the desire to write on those thoughts are gone…

Instead I reflected on the incident and thought that oftentimes something beautiful could be lost by the greed of some people.

So many people in our neighborhood were dismayed because one person decided to steal the wires… those wires are pretty expensive but he probably just sold it as scrap… the same goes for our country, the fruits of our peaceful revolt in 1986, something that every Filipino were proud of at one point IS GONE because some people are just too greedy for power and money. BUT everything is not lost anyway… look at me, I have my telephone connection back and I could just move on and write on some other thoughts... the same is true with the Philippines... if Filipinos are vigilant and have that strong desire for GOOD and persist on doing good, THEN we can have our glory back… it will not be the same thing but hopefully something better!