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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Urban Suicide!

I was gone for a while and when I came back I read the news that Teodoro Borlongan committed suicide.

I don’t know him personally but I used to be a depositor of Urban Bank - his bank that closed. I liked that bank! Even if it closed it didn’t take long for me to recover my money…of course I was not a big time depositor there but the money I had, I placed there because I liked their fast service and even their ATM. Imagine you could inquire not just your balance but the history of your transaction directly from the ATM— for a forgetful person like me, that was really a good service! Not one of my current ATM cards have that option. I thought it a waste that such bank would close... and now i think it is also a waste that he ended his life!

He sent an email to a friend prior to committing suicide and indicated there his prayer:

God asked me to wait; I endured.
God asked me to do right;
I struggled for what was right.
I kept strong outside, but stood alone.

My unbearable fear,
burden and pain
for the sake of others and my family,
I shared only with God.

O where is Justice? Where is Truth?
Where is Compassion?
It is Your face, Lord, I truly seek.
If not now, then after this lifetime.
If not here, then in Your kingdom.

I finished my race; I fought my good fight.
I did not give up; I kept my faith.
Yet death may still bear meaning
or purpose for others, if not our lives.

Lord, look upon us with mercy and love
in our last moments of human frailty.
Let me sing Your praise and glory
forever in Your house.

One wonders why a man of prayer would take his life... to die so it may bear meaning for others? Yeah... for isn't it great love to offer one's life for someone you love? But to actually take your life into your hands????? Yeah I wonder... but then again I have also experienced deep hurts and frustrations and I know that it could be difficult to let go of the pains. And though you try to move on and could actually move on, there will be moments that the memories of those pains come back and you get overwhelmed! But you don't really give up... you go on moving on...

But he is gone and I just wish that somehow his prayer maybe answered...that his death may still bear meaning and purpose for others...


Blogger bing said...

i could not speak for him but i think a man of prayer will not decide on taking his life in his own hands, a man of prayer will depend on God's provision and will ask for God's love and mercy.

sometimes we remember God during the most decisive moments of our lives but during moments of elation and success, God is nowhere to be found. i do not judge the man but it is weakness that prevailed. if one is a man of prayer he would think that what we bear in this life is nothing compared to the wounds, aches, mockery, and everything Jesus once underwent because of us.

11:40 PM  

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