Random thoughts... Happy Thoughts... Sad thoughts... Anything goes!!!

Saturday, April 30, 2005

I won a bet...

Haven't blogged in a week. Lots of catching up to do at work good thing I won a bet!
Beth made a bet and won?
Yup I did!

May 1- labor day, a legal holiday falls on a Sunday so I told Malou there won't be work on Monday. She said No-- there will be work, the President doesn't move holidays anymore... hmmm I said the President will declare "No work on Monday" but she was insistent so I said "wanna bet?" and she said "Ok... the one who loses buys fish fillet sandwich from McDonald's"

We made the bet on Monday... Wednesday evening and there was no announcement yet so I told Malou Thursday morning that I think I was going to lose the bet and she said "I told you so!"... Thursday evening, I was watching the 7 pm news (was that 7 pm or 6:30 pm can't recall) on a bus while enroute to visit my friend in the hospital and there was no declaration... but when I got home and saw the late news, there was the declaration "No work on Monday!"

That means one more day to rest and a free fish fillet sandwich for merienda on Tuesday!

Winning is fun!

Sunday, April 24, 2005


I've blogged a lot this week...even learned how to add gif files in my template. I also did a lot of things including learning how to drive... finally finishing the garden at home... visiting the doctor and undergoing the needed procedures... even wrote an early kmail for my buddies which I'll be sending tomorrow... I also enjoyed just bumming around the house and hearing myself laugh (oh ok there was a bit of a sad moment too but just a bit!)...it was great to rest without thinking of work!

But tomorrow I am back to work... back to my routine... back to commuting...Oh well that's life...

Anyway I enjoyed my writing... my blogging and tonight I rest once more with a smile in my heart... it was a good week!

So it is time to turn the lights off...Shhhh... Rest well... I've had my fun....
tomorrow...well let's see what's to come!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Narcissus and the Lake...

or should I say, Narcissus and the lake… Pete and Bethist?

Have you read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist?
In his prologue, he talks of the beautiful Narcissus and the fresh lake that turned salty after Narcissus drowned while contemplating his beauty on that lake…the lake wept for Narcissus NOT because she missed his beauty (actually she never even realized he was beautiful!!!) but because she can no longer see her beauty reflected in his eyes while he looks at himself in the lake

I wept when Pete would no longer talk to me NOT ONLY because I could no longer feel the goodness and happiness he draws from me when we talk… but also because I miss the goodness I saw in him whenever we talked...I don’t know if he realize just how beautiful he is despite being bipolar…

He has his reason for saying goodbye and I respect him but I sure miss our talks!

I should not be thinking about him anymore… trying to focus on a lot of things but there are times that I still think of him… and today I remember him again for I just got an email that I won $2 for my webpage on our friendship… it is a raffle they have on a site I posted on.

The money will be going to Pete's paypal account (that’s the account in the page…no paypal in the Philippines, remember?) I wonder if it is still active for I asked him to open a paypal specifically for that site. I hope it is.

Don’t know what his reaction will be when he gets the notice for the payment… but I hope that somehow he remembers me and the good times we shared! And now I'm humming the song Do you miss me?
Oh okay, i might as well look for it and post it here:

Do You miss me?
by Morris Albert (with notes in CAPS by beth)

When the lights go out
And the sun goes down
And you linger there (IN YOUR MONITOR)
Do you think sometimes
Of the fun we had
And the love (FRIENDSHIP) we shared
In that house on the hill (IN OUR MONITORS)
Yes, we loved (TALKED) the (YOUR) night away
Sweet sunrise sweet sunrise
Do you miss me,
Once in a while, do you miss me
Now and again, do you go (CHECK)
To that house on the hill (OUR FRIENDSHIP SITE & EMAILS)
Do you miss me, now and again, do you miss me
Once in a while, babe (PETE)
Do you go to our house on the hill (OUR FRIENDSHIP SITE & EMAILS)
As the days go by,
Do you sometimes think
Of the time we met (RANDOM THROUGH ICQ)
On that rainy night, how we sheltered there (IT WASN'T RAINING!)
All your clothes were wet (WERE THEY?)
In that house on the hill (OUR MONITORS) Yes, we loved (TALKED) the night away
Sweet sunrise sweet sunrise
Do you miss me,
Once in a while, do you miss me
Now and again, do you go
To that house on the hill (TO OUR FRIENDSHIP SITES)
Do you miss me,
Once in a while, do you miss me
Now and again, do you go
To that house on the hill (OUR FRIENDSHIP SITES)
In that house on the hill (OUR FRIENDSHIP SITES)
Yes, we loved (TALKED) the night away
Sweet sunrise sweet sunrise
Do you miss me,
Once in a while, do you miss me
Now and again, do you go
To that house on the hill
Do you miss me,
Once in a while, do you miss me
Now and again, do you go
To that house on the hill …

Okay... I've let some of the emotions out... I better go downstairs and focus on other things lest I cry again. Don't want to cry anymore!

Friday, April 22, 2005

The hardest thing in the world to understand...

I was home this noon and got a chance to see Game ka na ba?

The Million dollar, este Peso question was to complete Albert Einstein’s quote “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the __________” (2 words).

I left before they said the answer so I asked what it was when I got home… (hey, I was curious!!!)

The answer – INCOME TAX
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax!”

Well Einstein lived in another country and in another time. Had he been here in our country it would have been easy for him to prepare his income tax. I only have one employer so I don’t even have to file a return. They have withheld from me all the amounts due the government so I don’t have to pay anything anymore. Imagine no need to go to the Bureau or banks to have my form received!

BUT just what is the context of that quote by Einstein…
I wonder!

Was it just on the preparation of the return? I saw a US income tax form and it was not really a form but more a book, so unlike our form which is simple. You don’t even have to keep track of your bills or keep your receipts as reference for your forms…

or Was it the logic for taxation? Well i believe that there’s some logic to government needing a source of revenue to serve the people.

…or what? Think… think… think…

I guess for our country, the hardest thing to understand on taxation is how come the middle class has to bear the biggest burden…how come despite all the tax withheld from my payslips… so little… so very little… so very very little ever comes back to me while more is given to those who don’t pay any… why our government can’t curb corruption from the bureae… why… why…

Ahhh… this is whacking my brain and I want a good night’s sleep.. guess I better stop thinking and just agree with Einstein… he is a genius after all...

Thursday, April 21, 2005


Magda-drive ako hanggang Baguio
Magda-drive ako hanggang Bicol
Magda-drive ako hanggang Batangas...
Nagda-driving lesson na ako!!!

Yup, I finally enrolled in a driving school... took me more than 20 years to muster enough courage to learn how to drive. It is something that I want to do but just could not...
just the thought of driving makes me tense...
like it is going to be my doom!!!
that I am going to hit somebody and I'll be imprisoned for it (pretty heavy negative thoughts, huh???).

My father tried teaching me a long time ago. I was really excited then, he was instructing me and I was paying attention but then I stepped on the gas real hard and zoom!!!

Nope! I did not hit anything (thanks God!) but I got scolded pretty badly. Till that time I have never attempted to learn things about cars... I am a dummy when it comes to cars...not even particular as to the brands and models. The only thing I can easily identify is a volkswagen!

So why learn now?
Well why not?
I know I am delayed by 20 years in learning but at least I did not wait another 20 more years to try, right?

I realized that it is really going to take a lot of determination on my part... I can say that, judging from the rating I got from my instructor which is mostly "needs improvement". He can sense that I am really tensed since my veins in my hands shows and my reflex are not really that good yet (take note on the yet.. am still hopeful!!!) but he is a kind man. I was not doing great but I was not that scared either for I saw that he has his own brakes (which he can use if I do something wrong and which he has done on occasions...hehehe) plus he can easily hold the steering wheel!

Somehow those are calming and I was actually singing softly Eraserheads' Overdrive while navigating the routes going to Montalban and San Mateo. Those are actually mountain routes... and mountains always does something to my spirit... never mind if that route was also going to the Payatas dumpsite... we were going to the mountain and I was driving the car! I felt great!

So imagine me singing (and yeah with a smile on my face)...
Magda-drive ako hanggang Baguio
Magda-drive ako hanggang Bicol
Magda-drive ako hanggang Batangas
tapos magswi-swimming d'on sa beach
isasama ko ang girlfriend ko
isasama ko kahit sinong may gusto
kahit may kasama siyang aso
basta't meron siyang dalang sariling buto
Magdadala ako ng pagkain
burger fries tapsilog at siopao
Magda-drive ako hanggang Visayas
Magda-drive ako hanggang sa Mindanao
Magda-drive ako buong taon
Magda-drive ako habang buhay
Magda-drive ako hanggang buwan
Please Please lang turuan mo akong magdrive
gusto kong matutong magdrive(kahit na walang kotse)
gusto kong matutong magdrive(kahit na walang lisensya)
drive magdrive...
magdrive drive
~~~~~Overdrive by Eraserheads

I want to learn how to drive!
And eventually I can go on my own to all those places... Baguio, Bicol, Batangas, Visayas, Mindanao...
even to the moon???
Nahh...not that far out!
Anyway wish me luck, I still have a few lessons!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Viva il Papa!

Pope Benedict XVI

We have a new pope!

Yesterday I had the feeling that he was going to be the next pope.

When I woke up this morning, I immediately opened the television and checked CNN to see if we had a new pope, and we did! I felt happy watching the people cheering as they waited for him to come out of the balcony... and when I saw him come out... I actually cried with joy!

When I saw Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger say mass on TV, he looked just like one of those priests BUT when I saw him come out of the balcony....he looked like a Pope!

Was it just because of his new papal garments???
I guess it was because the Holy Spirit has clothe him!

God bless you Pope Benedict XVI. Be a good shepherd! Lead your flock well!

Monday, April 18, 2005

Contemplating on the lost template...

I was shocked to see a blog I visit to be in just white, black and blue!

Mrs T's blog is one colorful blog with lots of flowers and everything! Don't know if she is going to recover her old blog or not but she seemed fine... at least that's how her words sounded...

Actually I recently lost my templates for my sites too... hmmm. actually my brother was going to reformat my machine and so I asked him to save my files in CD but he only backed up my "my documents" folder and forgot the most important stuff including my templates...

Am still trying to figure out how to have my old template so i could easily update in my site... I am a bit of a dummy in this html stuff... but in time i'll have a working template again...probably even learn how to put enhancements in this blog (like flowers in the title???)... I guess all it needs is patience!

Sunday, April 17, 2005

The Holy Mass.

I just came from church and the priest there actually gave a second “sermon” before the final blessing.

He was distracted during the mass since there were a lot of children seated in front and they were noisy, even the sacristans were whispering while he was reading the gospel and the choir did not know when to cut their song, so he wanted to share some of his thoughts. He was not really mad but he felt that there should be more to the mass.

I don’t think many people understood him though since the mass was in English. The priest was Indian and did not know how to speak Tagalog yet. We are in a poor community and the mass is usually in Tagalog, even the other foreign priests usually say the mass in Tagalog. It was hard enough for me following his homily because of his diction but it was sad that many people actually did not understand what he said particularly since his homily on the Good Shepherd was good.

I remembered the booklet given to me on The Holy Mass… on what goes on during the mass. I guess if all the people knew what goes on during the mass, then they would actually pay more attention. It will be great if all people who attend mass understand what goes on…but since that would not happen soon in our country, the best thing is to start with yourself…to live the mass… ahhh I wish I could always do that!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Our Garden...

I have been meaning to have a garden at home. I am not green thumbed nor do I enjoy gardening but I am nuts about flowers. They really do something to my spirit!

We have left a small area for a garden beside our family room… actually it is more like the KIDS room since they rule over there…hmmm… come to think of it…everybody seems like a kid in our family just in different sizes…hehehe…

Anyway, we even put sliding doors so that everyone would have a good view of a garden from the family room but for a long time there was just a collection of plants there…they were growing wild and the ants were building their nest too! We asked my brother-in-law’s gardener friend for a quote to make a simple garden…. But his quote was far from being friendly!!! So the ants enjoyed their kingdom while we only dream of our own…

But I think that will change soon…

Today we went around different commercial gardens and bought plants…flowering plants… we even got 3 pots of roses! I am not really a rose person since I actually enjoy simple flowers but I have to admit the rose we bought were gorgeous! The storekeeper even sold us a pesticide for the ants and instructed us on how to use them.

It was a treat going to those different gardens and my nieces and nephews actually enjoyed running around…

I am excited!!! Tomorrow, we will work on our garden. Hope it turns out beautiful! I’ll cross my fingers… and hope it turns green! GREEN not gangrene, okay??? :-)))

Friday, April 15, 2005

The walls and garden of Carmel

I recently stayed in a Carmelite monastery.

Tita Cory from my centering prayer support group has been telling me for ages to visit the Carmelite Monastery in Gumaca because they have a beautiful garden and a great view of the sea plus she is also thinking of something else. I would just smile and tell her she scares me...but one time I felt the urge to go and so I finally went.

I was not able to see the inner garden since only the nuns are allowed there because of papal enclosure. However, their outer garden was nice too and they had a very beautiful chapel!

I also got a good view of a beautiful sunrise. My window faces the sea with the view of an island on the farther side, and when the sun rises while being partly hidden by clouds it was actually picturesque. It was a good morning treat that added peace to your soul!

The Mother Superior allowed me to stay in one wing of their building. Even if I could not see the nuns, I could actually hear them especially during prayer times. Tita Cory was in another room on the first night but I was all alone on that wing the next night.

The silence was great! That is something rare for someone who lives with a big family. Try imagining living in a household of 15 people sometimes even more… 4 of those being hyperactive toddlers with great lungs, I am sure you’ll understand how precious silence could be!

The convent was not really far from the road so that at night you could hear the sound of buses and the karaoke sounds from distant neighbors… but their sounds were muffled so that I actually thought of them as chants! It took a while for me to realize that they were not really chants! Actually even my walls sounded like they were chanting!

It was a nice experience staying there. I don’t know when I am coming back to Carmel or if I will I ever get a chance to see their inner garden?

I have an invite… but I don’t know if I can afford the price…

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Urban Suicide!

I was gone for a while and when I came back I read the news that Teodoro Borlongan committed suicide.

I don’t know him personally but I used to be a depositor of Urban Bank - his bank that closed. I liked that bank! Even if it closed it didn’t take long for me to recover my money…of course I was not a big time depositor there but the money I had, I placed there because I liked their fast service and even their ATM. Imagine you could inquire not just your balance but the history of your transaction directly from the ATM— for a forgetful person like me, that was really a good service! Not one of my current ATM cards have that option. I thought it a waste that such bank would close... and now i think it is also a waste that he ended his life!

He sent an email to a friend prior to committing suicide and indicated there his prayer:

God asked me to wait; I endured.
God asked me to do right;
I struggled for what was right.
I kept strong outside, but stood alone.

My unbearable fear,
burden and pain
for the sake of others and my family,
I shared only with God.

O where is Justice? Where is Truth?
Where is Compassion?
It is Your face, Lord, I truly seek.
If not now, then after this lifetime.
If not here, then in Your kingdom.

I finished my race; I fought my good fight.
I did not give up; I kept my faith.
Yet death may still bear meaning
or purpose for others, if not our lives.

Lord, look upon us with mercy and love
in our last moments of human frailty.
Let me sing Your praise and glory
forever in Your house.

One wonders why a man of prayer would take his life... to die so it may bear meaning for others? Yeah... for isn't it great love to offer one's life for someone you love? But to actually take your life into your hands????? Yeah I wonder... but then again I have also experienced deep hurts and frustrations and I know that it could be difficult to let go of the pains. And though you try to move on and could actually move on, there will be moments that the memories of those pains come back and you get overwhelmed! But you don't really give up... you go on moving on...

But he is gone and I just wish that somehow his prayer maybe answered...that his death may still bear meaning and purpose for others...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

What if someone gives you $20.6 million?

I got an email today from a certain Patricia Casillas telling me that she wants me to get the $20.6 M left by her husband to her in a Eurobank so I could give 90% of it to charities. She could not go there personally since she has cancer and in the hospital and would want me instead to get the money in her behalf. She thinks I am trustworthy :-) even if she only got my name from a directly list.

In the past I have received this kind of mail including winning in lotto. Oh I know they are hoax but somehow it makes me wonder how it will be if I suddenly get a huge sum of money. Will I give most of it away??? It will be easy to think of giving most of it when you don’t have it since it is just hypothetical – you don’t really have an attachment to it… but if it becomes yours really yours!!! Hmmm...then you wonder…

Oh I guess I’ll go on wondering since I don’t know anybody rich that will give me money… and very seldom do I bet in lotto…

In the meantime, the mail just got deleted… flushed down the toilet drain so to speak… very appropriate since in our language kasilyas (casillas) actually means toilet :-).

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Happiness Posted by Hello

Sunday, April 03, 2005


Last Saturday I went to a church in Sta. Maria, Bulacan. It was my first time to be there and I went with some of my officemates. Even if the church is not fully completed yet it was beautiful! They say that the church was built through donations given to Brother Carmelo, a visionary and a healer.

What was special about the church is the big see-through glass on top of the altar where there is a big image of Mama Mary facing you with her arms outstretched. There was a garden and man-made waterfalls around her plus the birds never stopped singing... and okay flying too inside the church :-)...

They have a healing mass on the first Saturday of each month and last Saturday was first Saturday!

After the mass, the blessed sacrament was displayed. After the procession and veneration, people were asked to form a line in the aisle. Someone would place oil on your forehead and both hands - you should rub those oil in the parts of your body that are sick since they are healing oils. Then you'd move closer to the altar and there Bro. Carmelo would place his hand on you head and a rose petal on your breast. I have been told that holy images usually appear on the rose petal immediately after he place them. I was so excited! Will my petal have an image too???

My turn finally came and oil was placed in my forehead and hands and I rubbed the oil in the parts I feel pain. I moved forward and Bro. Carmelo placed his hand on my head and placed a white rose petal on my chest -- it was actually just a little below the collar bone and I placed my hand on that petal and pressed it to my chest while I knelt on the Blessed Sacrament to pray... then I was handed an oil (smelled like rose) and a white rose before I left the church.

Outside the church, my officemate told me to remove the petal from my chest and asked me if my petal had an image. His petal had an image, his aunt's petal had an image too of a heart --sacred heart. My other officemate who is a regular there did not get any image -- she said it was the first time that she did not get any image on her petal and that she already has a collection of petals with images.

I looked at my petal and did not notice anything. My officemate said I should look through it where there is light so I placed it up and guess what? There was an image of the face of Jesus --side view!

I should feel happy!

A miracle!

You don't get images on a petal!!!

And I wanted a miracle!!!

Instead, I looked closely at the petal and noticed that the face did not form from the oil and sweat from my body where the petal touched but that there were already some indentions on the petal...

Drats!!! I don't want to feel this way! I want to feel happy and fully believe there is a miracle... I don't want to be a skeptic!!!

Bro Carmelo's vision started in the early 1990s yet and he was able to build a church because he has been an instrument of healing to a lot of people. There were a lot of people there with cancer -- they were wearing scarf on their head so they were most like undergoing chemotherapy. They were believers and I want to be a believer too!

Yet I can't fully shake the feeling...is it really true? Did I just see a miracle? Can so many people get an image on the rose petals given to them on each first Saturday? Is miracle that simple?

Ahh... there is no limit to God! If he wants a miracle, He can give it anytime to anyone and as often as He wants too! Maybe I am not really looking for a miracle on a rose petal but some other miracle... I really don't know...

And I go on praying...

Goodbye, Pope John Paul II

The Pope died early this morning our time and the world mourns a well-loved Pope. I knew it was just a matter of hours last night judging by the news so I tried to stay downstairs and watch the developments in CNN until I could not keep up anymore. I couldn't do anything anyway just watching TV so I went to my room and prayed then slept.

He was gone when I woke up! But will he ever be gone? He is now in heaven but his memory will live in our hearts.

I remember the joy I felt when I saw him on his last trip to the Philippines. There were just too many people that wanted to see him and it was really hard to come close and take a good view. People lined everywhere and when the Pope mobile passed us and I had a good view of him--- with his smiling face and rosy cheeks, I felt so happy!!! There was just something in him that touches your heart!

His last photos and videos show him in pain but still holding on, it is a good reminder for us to move on despite our difficulties.. to give our best! But I would like to remember him the way he looked when he came to Manila when joy and peace overflowed from his face.

Paalam Santo Papa! We will surely miss you!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Pope John Paul II

I heard the news earlier today that the Pope's condition is "very serious".

Our company celebrated first Friday mass (holy eucharist) at noon time today and I read all the petitions written by the employees. I felt I had to include him in our petitions but I did not know what to say! For his immediate recovery??? I don't really know what God's plan is so I said that "we offer the mass for Pope John Paul II and also include all our other petitions..."

Somehow in my heart I know that God will take care of the Pope and that He will take care of His Church. All we have to do is to trust Him... we wait... we pray... and we believe that He'll take care of everything.