The boiling over...

I am minus one very efficient staff.

The boiling point came one day earlier but the spill over was worst the next day. I wasn’t there during the boiling over, actually it wouldn’t have happened if I was around because she would have referred the matter to me and it would have been resolved before conflict arose. It was not even a big matter just some misunderstandings and rising of temper but sometimes things happen that there’s no turning back.

It started with a request for a supporting document from one of the auditors. He sent the request to our office assistant through text message. She wanted to clear up what he wanted since the report he was referring to did not indicate the documents he needed. So she asked for more information also through text message over mobile phone. He thought his message was clear but reviewing the flow when I got back showed that it wasn’t really clear. It would have been resolved if I was there since for sure she would refer it to me and I would have known what to look for but I was not around. So she was asking for clarification through text and the message that got through the other line was that she was angry and there was heated exchange of written words over the mobile phone and the auditor decided to call her on landline. Even if the instruction to her was not clear she was already doing what she thought he wanted her to do but she was already mad from their exchanges and would not talk to him. So he talked with our boss who sided with him and told her what to do but by that time her temper has really risen that she just packed up and left.

Our boss was mad of course and asked our office supervisor to prepare a written notice of disposition. Our office supervisor was not in the department at that time and prepared the memo based on the instruction of our boss. One of our other staff who was also staying in the same boarding house she stayed did not tell her a memo would be coming.

The next day she came to work. I too came to work and the supervisor told me of the memo, I told her that our company procedure required that a notice to explain be given first before a disposition is given but the boss told me there was no need since she was around and witnessed what happened. Well, she’s the boss after all so I went back to my place. And I heard her call our staff and hand her the disposition (it was to be 6 days suspension). The moment she got the disposition she shouted “I don’t deserve this! I’m doing my job well and you give me this… you give me this without even talking to me…” She was talking, actually shouting, continuously while packing her things again and she left!

She did not expect to be handed a disposition without even being talked to! Her outburst was out of place but I sort of expected it for she does have a temper. Of course, there’s no way she can comeback after that but I feel sad for the whole situation. She is one really efficient staff. She has put order to our system in the department plus she has to do a lot more! The boss found her so efficient and another staff inefficient in office work (but superb in her liaison function) that she gave her a lot of the stuff the other staff was handling. She was overloaded of course and I kept telling the boss about this. So now, we are one staff short once more. Of course no one is really irreplaceable but to find a staff with so much dedication to her work as her would be difficult.

I also feel sad that she had to leave that way. There was a nice relationship between her and the boss. The boss liked the way she worked and frequently asked her to assist her in so many ways including helping her with computer functions. I’m used to staff leaving but we usually feel happy when they leave because we know that they’re moving to better pastures. But this… it is really sad!

I suddenly remembered an auditor from a long time ago. He too was efficient, he worked and worked but he kept complaining about his family – his mother and siblings… that they were too demanding! One day he came to work without teeth. He had them all extracted! (He must have some few teeth with cavities but not the whole of it!) I asked him why and he said he just wanted it. He filed his resignation later on. He got so tired of taking care of his family that he decided to just disappear from them and forget about all his links. I thought that was pretty extreme too!

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with stuff too and I’ve seen some auditors get burned out too. I know that double effort is needed when you have to do stuff when you’re carrying some negative weight around you. But you have to release it in positive ways or it eats you little by little until you finally explode… and by that time there’s no turning back!

It doesn’t really mean that nothing good may come of it after that. Sometimes some ugly things happen. You think that nothing good can come out of it but sometimes it does and you only get to see it afterwards…

So with this recent event…

Well I’m sad but I hope that something better comes for our staff and that we get someone that will work out well for us too! :)

Rhythm in my body

I still haven’t finished with the book I bought, I guess I’m still having an overload of concepts and theories from my course and school project that my brain still needs some time to rest from reading, however, scanning through the book earlier made me appreciate dancing and movements more.

Oh no, I’m not a dancer. Far from it! But I could certainly feel the rhythm on my feet and my body. Sometimes when I take an evening walk along Liwasang Bonifacio and I like the music being played there, I could feel it and would sometimes follow the beat with my stride. There are times I’m really tempted to just let myself go and dance BUT I see the people there and don’t want to cause scandal so I end up just following the beat with my steps as I imagine how I would actually dance in the plaza if I could muster enough courage to do so!

There is something in the movement and even the rhythm that soothes the body and even the mind, oh I guess even the spirit if you want to go beyond. When I feel so restless, I would take a walk and somehow I feel better. When I hear a loud beat that sends vibration to my body, I could feel it responding! I would want to just be present in that sound and let the vibrations envelop my body feeling its healing energy. And sometimes when I feel playful, I would just imagine a tune and sway and just move enjoying the moment. Sometimes my nieces and nephews would see me and join me. They would follow my lead and sometimes we would even be falling in line and do those alternating hand dance as we watch ourselves in our sliding glass door then eventually end up laughing and doing a different sequence until they get tired or I get tired.

I guess I’m not the only one in the family who enjoys a beat, for the kids certainly have fun too when they join me. I also remember my grandmother Lola Bebe whom I took care on the last years of her life. She was like in a semi-coma state and sleeping most of the time, she doesn’t talk and couldn’t stand but there were times I would carry her and try to let her stand (oh she was heavy as a log but I try my best) and I would dance with her. In tight embrace we would sway, and I could feel her holding tighter to me and see her smiling from the mirror. With her eyes closed, there would be a smile on her toothless lips. Ahh even in her state, she enjoyed the dance!

Even in many of our HOLD worships, one certainly feels joyful and feels the prayer more when we sing and dance and clap our hands as we pray. There’s a different element to prayer when you include your body! We have a pretty great dance ministry in our organization and they would usually lead the group to dancing before ending a conference. I would certainly join too and follow their steps but in the end I always find myself doing my own movements. I listen to the music and my body sways as it feels the music… for a few moments I forget the group and just feel myself with the music. I move till I sweat. Roth is right, one can certainly sweat her prayers!

Run the DistANCE then rest

We had a group work in my distance education class and it was difficult bringing the group together especially since we are running after a deadline. We should have started early, way early but we didn’t! I knew that 2 of the members in our group were not able to get together in another project thus not able to submit a work. I did not want that to happen. I felt certain panic when some of the members would not answer my email enjoining them to contribute not knowing what went on in their minds.

That’s one of the drawbacks in distance affairs, you never really know what goes on in the mind of another or what goes on in their life, but you have an objective to be met and you do whatever it takes to achieve it or you give up.

I have been observing my classmates through their posts and try to visualize them working with the assignments and projects. I try to understand their personality from their postings in our discussion board and have come to admire some of them. From my group, some are probably more brilliant than I am (hmmm… that means I’m brilliant too, right?) and I’m waiting for them to take action and when it wasn’t coming, I knew I had to do something. I gave my contact number, hoping they too will give theirs, I initiated the activity, proposed roles to be taken by each, prepared the templates for discussion, I tried to make it easy for them so that they will not be bothered by small details but just concentrate on the task at hand. I finally got hold of their mobile numbers and just took charge keeping updates on what has been accomplished and what else has to be done and when we were finally able to complete our task, it felt good!

In the end, persistence really pays off. It felt good that each one was able to do his share and that it really turned out to be a group effort. It would have been easier for the active members to just finish the work and not bother with others but that would have defeated the purpose of the activity. So when we made it, when I saw our work posted I felt happy and relieved but I felt exhausted too…

Gosh, I felt drained! I knew I had to treat myself so I went to the mall and had dinner by myself and bought a book in bargain book shop, a book that was totally different from all the theories and terminologies and concepts that has been flooding my mind. I had to give my mind some rest from it all. I found a book in a bargain book shop. It was a second hand book written by Gabrielle Roth on the spirituality of dance and movement. It was colorful and had a catchy title – Sweat your prayers! I sweat through my group work and I did not want to sweat my prayers. But it is not about having difficult prayer but literally sweating it out to pray. Now, that’s cool and so I checked it out. I glanced through the first pages and decided to take it home, I knew what’s in store and look forward to it but I knew it wasn’t time to sweat tonight. I need rest too so I’m finally calling it a night!

Tomorrow, I sweat!