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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

You die when it is time to die

The founder of our company died yesterday, he was 80 years old. He was in coma for 6 years before finally giving in to death. Some of the people in the office who heard the news said that “at least nakapagpahinga na rin siya” (at least, he is finally able to rest) some also commented that “pera lang naman ang nagpapahaba ng buhay niya” (it is only money that’s prolonging his life). In a way they are right, sometimes I would also think the same but you can’t really say for certain when a person will die. There are also a lot of rich people that cannot extend their lives no matter how much they are willing to spend! And there are those whose family decided to pull the plug yet recovers or sometimes they don’t really recover but they don’t die either. They continue breathing and as long as you nourish them they breathe… they remain in deep sleep… Their bodies may experience different complications and recovery from these complications yet oftentimes they remain in coma.

When a loved one goes into coma, many family members also go into crisis deciding whether to let go or not. Sometimes you want to let go, your resources are depleted yet something in you prevents you from doing so. Or something else or somebody else intervenes. And when you pray and you don’t really know what to pray for. That God finally take your loved one so that he could be free from his suffering (you somehow feel guilty praying for someone to die even if your intention is good)? Or that he recovers and spend more time with the family (even somehow you know that it would be impossible for him to be active if he does live)? Yet you hope for a miracle!!! Sometimes I don’t know what to pray for so I lift up the person to God and ask Him to do what’s best for everybody.

I used to visit old nuns in a convent before and one of the nuns I visit was comatose. When I am in her room, I read the bible to her, pray with her, talk to her, even sing to her. When I look at her, I am moved with pity since no matter how well she is taken care of, she has become deformed, her eyes blank and her saliva dripping from her lips. The sisters pity her condition too but one of them told me one time that maybe she is doing her purgatory on earth. Yes, maybe she was and I certainly prayed that she immediately experience the joy of heaven when she died because she has already experienced enough suffering here.

Sometimes, when I look at a deformed body of a person in coma, I wonder if he is really in agony. Does he feel the pain? Is it because he’s tired and in pain that his body becomes deformed? Or is it possible that even if he doesn’t look good physically, his mind and spirit are active, that he is aware of things but just could not physically express what’s going on. That he is continuing to live his life in that condition because it is not yet time to die? I wonder who is more in pain, the one in coma or his family that lives with his condition?

Papa went into coma before he died. During those times, I would whisper prayer in his ears and talk with him. Somehow, I believe that even if he does not respond that he could hear me. He recovered for a while and we got to spend some time together before he finally left us. My Lola Bebe was also in a sort of semi-coma state for 2 years. Her eyes were closed most of the time, she doesn't talk, she doesn't move but she can eat. During those times I would constantly talk to her and whisper prayer in her ears especially at night hoping that somehow even if she does not respond that she feels the love of her family. There were moments that I thought she was going to die but she did not... and when I thought that she was going to pull through, that's the time she left us. I think she left because it was finally time to die...

The same goes to our founder, his time has finally come and I hope that he gets to rest in peace!


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