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Sunday, June 17, 2007

Papa You can hear me!

It is Fathers' day once again and I wish all the fathers one great day!

I am sure my papa is also having a great day in heaven now. I wonder though how he views us from where he is! Does he look at us with longing? Does he miss us or can he really miss us if he sees what’s going on in our lives much more than when he was still alive?

He left us unexpectedly in 1998. I know mama had more difficulty adjusting than the rest of the family but I had my period of mourning too. I don’t know, but for a while I wore some of his polo shirts (which mama made for him) until they got torn from overuse! It is not that I could not move on without him but more missing him and wearing his shirts made me feel he was close by. I wouldn’t say I was his favorite but among my siblings I think I spent more time with him and interacted with him through letters when he was away much more than the rest of them.

I would still miss him but I know that he is okay where he is now. When he was still alive, he worried over the family. He would wonder aloud what's going to happen to the family if ever he left us early. Maybe he knew he was going to leave us early so that he always entrusted the family to me.

I mentioned earlier that he left us unexpectedly. He went into coma for a few days then recovered for a day before finally succumbing to cardiac arrest. On the last night before he died, on the last time I saw him... he had a peaceful smile on his face as he nodded to me. It was as if he was telling me that everything will be okay, not just with himself but also with us! I would have wanted to stay with him that night but the doctors asked me to leave. It was painful not to be around during his last moment but somehow the memory of that smile comforts me.

I remembered a song by Barbra Streisand in Yentl. Her character was singing the song “Papa can you hear me?” when she felt so scared and alone after he died. There was so much feeling in that song, however, what I liked best was when she sung the same tune at the end of the film. She wasn't asking if he could see her. Instead she knew for sure and sung “Papa I can hear you! Papa I can see you! Papa I can feel you! Papa watch me fly!”

Papa, I love you!


Anonymous bingskee said...

mukhang napakabait ng papa mo to remember him like this.

11:03 PM  

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