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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Pain pain go away!

It has been more than 2 months since my head started hurting again. It started after a visit to my previous dentist that I finally decided to have a TMJ treatment. It has been 3 weeks that I'm wearing a splint but the pain has not completely gone away. It just shifted. Not the same place where I felt severe pain which has me worried earlier and not the same degree as before but there's still pain plus now there's stress on my neck and shoulders as I'm getting used to the splint (makes me ask myself why I can't be an EASY patient like most people). Although there's weekly therapy (TENS, don't ask me what it stands for! wherein a gadget is placed on my front jaws and on my shoulders that sends electric current to massage) I feel that the stretching exercises I do in the morning plus the forced stretching throughout the day when I feel my muscles constricting helps relieves pain better though it still comes back after a while.

I was thinking of my pain after coming from the dentist for the therapy and I somehow carried the thought on my way to church praying that it goes away soon. Then I saw the priest telling a group of people to pose in front of the church altar. He was happily showing them how and they moved to the direction. It took time for them to group together since many of them couldn't walk or had great difficulty in walking. Many were in wheelchairs with their disfigured legs and some were in crutches and other walking devices with disfigured bodies.

Suddenly made me realize that they were in more pain than I was yet they were all happy. I could hear their laughter and feel their joy. One of them in wheelchair was carrying her child in a long white dress whom I believed was just baptized. The mass started after their picture taking so they settled on the side of the church while the mass went on and headed for the door after the mass. I noted one man walking with two canes and being assisted by another, he was trying to walk fast but I could feel each movement to be painful (definitely showed in his disfigured body) but he was not complaining, in fact he was laughing as he was telling the person assisting him that they should walk faster. I wanted to stay to ask them about their group (hmmm nosey me) but I had to take a quick standing lunch in a convenience store so I could head for my next activity.

After my activity, on my way home. I realized that I haven't thought of my pain while focused on my activity and that I starting feeling it again only after I thought about it. Oh I knew that my body was still feeling the pain and stress all throughout my activity since I was stretching most of the time but it seemed more like a reflex of my body to remove the pain so it doesn't register in my consciousness. I guess it is the same with the happy people in church. They have adjusted to their pains and they are focused on other activities that they don't have to time to dwell in their pain.

I ask myself why I can't just be like them in dealing with pain. They seem to have accepted that their pain is already part of their life and they just live with it. I on the other hand, even if I could bear great pain (I don't take pain relievers for any pain) still thinks a lot about my pain.

Maybe because in my case, I feel that there is a clear solution to my case which I just have to pursue and my pain will be gone unlike them who no longer have a feasible solution to their ailments that they have no choice but live with it.

Or maybe my pain gets magnified because I worry that the cause might be something bigger and more dangerous even if it not really so(Ayayay!!!)

Well I certainly don't want pain (who does???) and I have to find out on how make it go away forever but I know that I should not focus on it so it gets magnified. And maybe if I am busy with other things yet it still persist then i'll just sing a song similar to what we used to sing on rainy days when I was lots younger...

Rain Rain go away, come again another day, little children wants to play, rain rain go away! except that my song would be Pain Pain go away instead of Rain Rain (geez I wish it is rainy season now though so it isn't too hot!)

Hmmm... the song might just do the trick!


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