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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Life's deal

Yesterday there was a commotion in the office since one of the girls mentioned that a former officemate’s ex-husband was a contestant in a game show on TV. There were mixed reactions but most asked about how he looks and she said Pangit (ugly)! Hehehe.. of course she was biased since we liked our officemate and felt bad on what happened to her. Her husband left them just a few months after she gave birth and she had a difficult pregnancy and even took an early leave from the office. Then after a couple more months, he filed for an annulment!

Nope, it was not infidelity on her part, she was crazy about him and her world revolved around him but it was more his issues. A new girl??? Well I could not tell what really went on his mind since I haven’t talked with him but I saw what happened to my officemate during those times and she was in so much pain! She also watched the game show by the way and I am sure she still felt hurt seeing the new wife on TV.

We never really expected the annulment since she was really in love with him. Gosh, he was a smart dresser but not really goodlooking while she was one beautiful woman… reserved and simple Filipina but beautiful and she was so proud of him and really crazy for him. She would laugh at his jokes even if sometimes they are not that funny! All the things that would come from her lips are praises of her husband. She thought of him to be the best and said that she would not know what to do without him. He was like a god—all knowing while she was a simple soul with not much talent and resources of her own (well, that’s the way she saw things).

They had a long and nasty and costly annulment! Early on I asked her why she would fight the annulment. I asked her if she think her husband would come back if he doesn’t get annulled. She wanted to fight because she believed in the “till death to us part” of marriage. Even after getting the annulment notice she was giving in to his demands hoping for a possible reconciliation. Yet he pushed on! She said she cannot accept that he would put her at fault in paper when he admitted to her he was at fault! She was thinking of what her children would say if she did not fight! So she fought, she had little resources so she asked help from her aunt and they spent a lot. I told her it was futile to fight and should concentrate instead on the effects on the children. It is never good for children to feel bitterness. But I guess when you are hurt, you do the things that would ease the hurt and that was how she thought it should be. But as I said the proceedings were nasty. His words were hurtful and they did not just inflict pain but bitterness. She was devastated and her performance at work was greatly affected. We told her to accept a different position in our branch. We had to convince the Sales people to get her! It would be a big challenge and it would make her physically and mentally tired leaving very little room for her sorrow. At first she would not accept the offer thinking she could not handle it but in the end she did!

Her new task was really a challenge and it was mentally and physically tiring. She would sometimes call me and talk about it and I would always tell her that she could do it and that it was better being physically tired than emotionally tired! The challenge made her saw her potential and capacity. She realized she was good! She did not have to rely on a husband for support, she could do it!

Her life is different now. She has become her own self, not just a shadow of her husband. She has traveled to some parts of the world and interacted with different people. Is she happy? I hope she is. Though sometimes we would go out and you could still see her hurt. I don’t think she has forgiven him. Hard to forgive when someone has not really sought your forgiveness. But sometimes, that’s the only option you have to be able to let go of the hurt and really move on! Sometimes life’s offer is far from your expectation and you have to make a choice whether to accept life’s deal or not. Whatever you choose will always lead you to something new, it could be better or not but things are just temporary, even winning or losing the game could be temporary because you are always left with more choices after it.

Life is a never ending choices afterall (big choices, small choices… both are choices) and it only stops when you’re dead! And that only goes as far yourself because somehow your choices have an effect on other people too and you hope that the choices you made has made a good difference on other people's lives!

Well, my friend will be making a lot of choices still… it is a long way to go but I hope the choices she has made draws out the best on the people around her (particularly her kids) and that they continue to cheer for her all the way!!!!


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